I know that family and friends read my blog and I want you to know that this post in NO WAY is because of something Mac or I have done its just something I’ve noticed is a problem by observing the world around me.
We are human and as such we make mistakes, shocker I know. Not all mistakes are a big deal but some affect our lives tremendously, bad financial decisions and adultery are the two most common marriage ‘offenders.’ Now I’m not going to sit here and lecture you on forgiveness I want to talk about the next step.
If you have agreed to forgive then you need to let go.
The first step to letting go is to make sure you don’t forgive until you mean it. If someone has hurt you its ok to not forgive them immediately, just make sure when you do its for real. After that moment you need to let it go. No more bringing it up out of spite, No more lectures just because ‘you’ve done it before.’ Its ok to be cautious and be aware that it may happen again, it might take time to build up trust again. But its not ok to hurt someone intentionally because of those mistakes.
For example your spouse made some pretty bad financial decisions before you got married, its left them with some pretty large bills but they are working hard to pay them off and haven’t spent money like that in a long time. You have forgiven but you just can’t let it go. Every time a bill is paid there is a snide remark and when one of the bigger loans needs dealt with there is a tirade of ‘if onlys’ and “I could have my toys if you hadn’t done this.’
Tell me who does that help? It doesn’t help your spouse who already has acknowledged the mistake and is trying to move on and make it right. But what people doesn’t realize is it doesn’t help the other spouse either, every time you bring it up it re-opening those wounds. Its also can cause anger again even when no mistake has been made.
So I encourage you to not only forgive but to let go.