Thoughts on Thursday: Helping your spouse with a previous loss.

This week leads up to the 4th year anniversery of Marks death on December 10th. Its been an intersting 4 years and this is the 3rd anniversery that I’ve spent married to Mac.

The first two years were ackward to be sure, and hard. I never knew how I would react or what would set me off. Honestly that part hasn’t changed. I still don’t know how I will react or what will remind me of him.  But we have learned a few things.

My Responsiblity:

  • Its my duty to remind Mac that we are getting close to the anniversery. He knows that its in December and may even know that its the 10th. However since its not part of his history its not on the forfront of his mind. By reminding him I give him the chance to prepare and to understand my emotions.
  • Remind myself that this is a hard week and make sure not to over plan, or over stress myself with responsiblities. 
  • Give myself some slack when I’m having a bad day and have some ideas ready to combat them. Exercise, massages, dates with Mac, whatever.
  • Ask for help when I need it.

My Spouses responsibilities:

  • Love, show it in anyway possiable. Extra hugs, flowers, any way you can think of. It dosen’t have to cost money even a short note will do. Spread out these doses of love over the week or so before and after.
  • Help out a little more. Chances are your spouse is going to be a little mores stressed out than normal so if you can pick up some of their “normal’ duties it will help relive some of that stress.
  • Remember its a tough week, be a little extra patient and understanding. There maybe moments when even your spouse has no idea whats going on.
  • Plan a date something a little extra special, not on the day (unless you ask and its ok) but in the weeks surrounding it. Mac and I did this, this year unknowingly and it was one of the best things ever! We are going to do it again next year.

 

Alot of this is common sense to me now but If you’ve never been though it well it might not be to you.

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