This is really something that could be applied to everyone in your life not just your spouse. In fact the reason this came to mind this week was not because of my husband but because of someone else.
If you have a problem with someone, or maybe you don’t like how they do something , you need to be direct with them. Don’t go gossiping to all of your friends in an effort to “get some advice.” Go to them, talk with them directly. Make sure you have thought out your ‘problem’ so you can explain it clearly and then let them know. Often times that person won’t even have realized that they were offending you, it could have been a situation miss interpreted and a simple conversation can clear it all up. Or if it is a bigger problem then at least you are opening a dialog with them first, not causing more problems by taking it to friends/family/management whatever. If the situation is confronted and still not solved then its time to take it to the next level (whatever that maybe.)
There are other times where being honest with someone is hard not because they have offended you but because you don’t want to offend them. Maybe they spent good money on a gift for you and it just isn’t your style. Instead of letting their money go to waste you want to exchange it for something you can cherish from them. What do you do? Ishh this is a hard one your response is going to differ for each individual but you should still talk about it with them. That way when they ask where is your new _____? Your not making up a lie to avoid the topic.
Just being honest with those around you will keep you out of sticky situations and will possibly solve small issues before they become big ones.
Now I would like to do a disclaimer here, if someone is harming you or you see them harming someone else or themselves don’t feel like you have to confront them, You might be able to based on the situation but the best action maybe to take it to the police or whoever is appropriate.
3 comments on “Thoughts on Thursday: Be Direct”
This is one of my pet peeves in the workplace amongst women in particular. Drives me crazy! Why gripe and complain to everyone except the person who could make a difference? Wasted time and energy. Plus if someone is complaining to me about someone else – what are they saying about me when I’m not around? Think about it!
Great thought provoking post!
I had actually thought about posting something similiar (regarding Facebook giving me a warning about something I posted when I have no idea what it was) and it is good food for thought. I think a good exception to the going to friends for advice (which can lead to gossip) is if you have someone in your life who is a mentor or accountability partner for her. I tend to use these people for things like this occasionally (especially when it is a person who have addressed issues with numerous times and they don’t take responsibilty for their actions.)
Dr. Henry Cloud also spoke at the Global Leadership Summit I attended and he has a great book regarding this; it’s called “Necessary Endings.” I would highly recommend it!
Being direct is one of those things that can be tricky depending on the person you are being honest with. I know of several people who can’t handle being told the truth about their behaviors and feel hurt and upset by the truth. Of course, it’s always better to be honest about how you feel about others and not talk behind their backs but sometimes I feel like you have to choose your words wisely when you share your thoughts.
I know Jason is very direct with people and has no trouble telling them about how they annoy him or any other problems he has with them. For the most part, these people just take it all in but as soon as they get a chance, they complain about it to me and ask me to do something about Jason’s “attitude”. I find that quite annoying and have voiced my feelings about it to them before. Unfortunately, a lot of times, these same people accuse me of being “influenced” by Jason’s bad attitude too much because I was speaking too frankly to them. So sometimes being too direct with people who are too sensitive about the truth of things can be quite frustrating.