I need to talk.

I know that if you have read my story you know that I’ve been married once before.  I was ma rried to Mark when I was 19 years old it was great, we had a wonderful time. 2 years into the marriage He was diagnosed with cancer. After a 3.5 year battle he passed away on Dec 10th 2007.  What you don’t know is that the reason he passed away was because the cancer spread to his lungs and caused a fluid build up that caused stress on his lungs. It was a peaceful passing in our living room with myself , his parents and our dog in the room.

Last week I found out that my friend and Pastor (who married Mac and I and was so helpful to Mark and I) had his cancer come back, in his lungs. This is causing the same early symptoms that Mark had when this was found. The great news is there have been many great advances in the last 3.5 years and the doctors have more options now than they did with Mark.

The bad news, well its cancer, and its scary and those options aren’t guaranteed. He has a family, Wife and 3 kids. What a scary time for them. Many people say they can’t imagine how it must feel, but I can….I really can. I know how much it hurts to see your husband in pain and you can’t do a darn thing about it. I know the all to real fear of losing your husband far to soon. I know the frustration of doctors and waiting for answers. I understand the pain of the what if’s and whats next. 

I don’t like it, I don’t like that they have to go through this and I don’t like reliving this myself . I’m having a hard time right now. I know I need to ‘get over it’ but as we all know its never that easy. Its a hard thing for my new friends and Mac to understand. Not because they don’t care just because they weren’t there.

So yeah I’m gaving a hard time right now, but as always writting it down has helped so thank you all for reading .

5 comments on “I need to talk.

  1. That is really sad and understandable that you are reliving alot of old hurts. Hang in there , use your experience to help the family with prayer, hugs, whatever you have to offer. There must be a reason God has put this on you again and i hope you see that and see what a blessing you are to them because you understand. i dont understand what its like but you do and God is there every step of the way as you go through this. I will say a prayer for you Amber. hugs Tania

  2. As your mom I would love to “save you” from more hurt. BUT I know that God cares about you even more than I do and I know that these things are no surprise to Him. You have within you all that you need, love and wisdom through the presence of the Holy Spirit within you. That does not make it easy but it is doable. You have already made a good choice, to be honest about what you are experiencing. God’s light is shining through you. Again, you are encouraging yourself and simultaneously encouraging others to be themselves by your example. Thanks.

  3. Oh….I’m so sorry I read this so late and couldn’t provide any support for you. It’s always hard losing the people you love especially to health related diseases like cancer. I don’t think you need to “get over it” because what you experienced in your life isn’t something you can just wipe away and forget. Losing someone you love, especially at such a young age makes a big impact to your life. I can’t ever imagine anyone being able to get over it and just continue living life as if it never happened because that loss becomes a part of your story. I know I’m not being very helpful right now and I’m sorry. I’m really sorry that you have to experience this all over again with a close friend. I don’t know what it’s like to lose a love one to cancer but I do know the pain of watching someone slowly succumb to an illness and not being able to do a thing about it. I pray that your friend will recover soon and that the medical advances these past 3 years will be able to help him through this rough time. Stay strong, my friend.

  4. It is always hard to see anyone we love in pain, especially when we feel like there is nothing we can do to help them.

    Sending thoughts and prayers for your friend.

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