I’m not a Mom.
That doesn’t mean I haven’t tried to be, and while I’m ok with it for now I know there are lots of Women out there who aren’t. Secretly their heart breaks when they hear their friend who ‘wasn’t trying’ is pregnant. Mothers Day hurts and they don’t even want to go to Church for fear that they will start crying during the Mom’s recognition.
I remember these feelings, I remember skipping Church, I remember hearing that my best friends sister was pregnant, VERY unexpectedly and thinking NOT FAIR! I remember wanting a child so badly with Mark so I would have a memory, but it didn’t happen. I trust that this is best, that God knows what he is doing and now I see that having a child right now would have been even more hard than I could have imagined.
Now I have new fears, I fear that I was the reason we couldn’t get pregnant ( there is supporting evidence but it could have all been stress related.) I fear that I will never be able to function ‘normally’ with out anti-depressiants and therefore not even be able to try and get pregnant. I fear about money, and this crazy world we live in.
But as always I still have hope, I know that God knows what he is doing. I know that Mac and I have talked about adoption and are both excited about the idea.
I’m not asking you to stop celebrating Mothers, not at all. In fact I will be celebrating it myself with my MIL. But I’m asking you to be aware that there are about 10% of us out there who despite their and doctors best efforts can’t be a Mom and this is a very hard time of year for them.
PS for now I’m very happy with my Fur Toddler Cooper