Pain pill memories.

Almost 2 weeks ago I woke up in P.A.I.N. I couldn’t even roll over in bed. MAC was at work way to far away (40ish min) and I couldn’t move. He called his parents to come over and they took me to the ER. I was tested for kidney stones and sent home with pain pills, which justmade things worse.  A few days later when I was a little better pain-wise I had plenty of time sitting on the couch to think. Too much time to think. I started thinking about when Mark was sick and on pain pills. I didn’t like it, I thought he was addicted. When I was sitting around on the couch, I realized that I never told him I’m sorry for judging his use of pain killers. All of the sudden I had a taste of the pain he was in for years. I wasn’t vocal about my opinion but I’m sure he knew. Maybe that was just how I was processing the fact that he was in pain, I don’t know but its too late now.

How are you supposed to deal with that? What do you do with regrets that you have know way of correcting?

Then something amazing happened, MAC. He wrapped me in his arms and told me it was ok. It was ok to be upset and to be sorry. But there was nothing I could do about it now. He reminded me that Mark knew I loved him  and  he just held me, I needed that so bad. It is so amazing to be loved by someone who truly loves you bumps, bruises and all. He as actually told me that ‘he knew there would be bad days and It would be a while before I’d processed everything, but he would stand by me. A little over a month ago, he came to a family dinner with Mark’s Family. What an amazing man God has blessed me with.

4 comments on “Pain pill memories.

  1. 🙁 I dont know who Mark was but Im so sorry for your sadness. Amazing how wonderful Mac is to you. I pray god will surround you with His Love and take care of you when you are feeling so sad. Did you ever find out what it was that was causing the pain ? I had a similar experience almost 2 years ago.

  2. You did the best you could with what you knew at the time….look at that moment as a great learning opportunity for the future. Although Mark isn’t with you anymore, in the future I bet you will judge less and look at others much differently. THAT my dear, is how you move forward and “correct” it. 🙂

  3. wow, what a hard time. I’m glad that MAC is there to support you. Sometimes the best support is a quiet hug, letting you express your feelings while embracing someone who loves you dearly. Don’t worry about the past- we all do things and regret them later. Keep your eyes on the future and the prize you have within your arms! Hugs!

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