(This post references part of my past some of you may not know about. For more of my story click on the tab above.)
This past weekend I went to ‘the farm.’ I know that doesn’t seem so scary to you but for me it was terrifying. This isn’t just any farm it was Mark’s family farm. I haven’t been there in a LONG time (lets just say he built a whole new building and I didn’t see any part of it.
I’ve spent a lot of time here over the years. I would spend weekends there when Mark and I were engaged (we both lived with our parents still so don’t read in to that.) I would go to his Church, hang out with his family. I spent more time with his family, in the few years we had together, than most do in their whole lives. There were many celebrated here graduations, ‘R’ turning 50 birthdays, Christmas, thanksgiving, just to name a few. Not to mention it’s in the town where Mark is buried.
Can you see why going back would be hard, Why I would be scared?
Yeah I was terrified, but here is the thing life with the Hubby is great. I’m feeling stronger and more secure than I have in a long time. He is so supportive and seems to do well with the complexities of having 3 families.
With all of that in mind it was a great weekend! There were memories of Mark but they were not overwhelming, I’m not saying there weren’t a lot I’m saying my reaction to them was reasonable. ‘H’ is still using Mark’s old jeep as a tow vehicle behind tractors so that was a smile and some memories (anyone remember it being driven into the Fish Tank for the 30 hour famine?) Also Dutch the puppy we got 5 days before he passed to be his companion is there (he got mean but we couldn’t bear to put him down, he is a great farm dog.)
Dutch is the little one on the right.
‘R’ and I spend all of Saturday talking and shopping. It was normal, it was comfortable and it hasn’t been in a while. Sunday I even road the Harley to Church with ‘H” stylin I know. After Church we had dinner with Grandma. It was all nice and not scary at all.
When Mark was sick there was a lot of talk about our new normal. I guess here I am again with a new normal. 3 sets of parents who love me and 1 amazingly supportive husband.